Learning Herbs & Plant medicine

The Miracle of Breath

2 weeks post treatment;

2 days after stopping the medicines, my palpitations disappeared as though they had never been present, I hadn’t realised the levels of anxiety that the palpitations had created until they were gone.

The medications stripped my body of vital minerals, vitamins and other nutrients, I am now living with arthritic joint complaints, so pretty much the past 8 weeks have been in bed on a hot pillow, I can walk around but it is impossible to sit down. So when I get up I tidy and clean, organise and walk. Not sitting down is tiring in the extreme and makes eating seriously weird! I have a very tidy kitchen happily washing up alot.

Journeying thought this time of personal health challenges, has given me plenty of thinking space, the pains in my back and joints have given me a ‘constant’ to work through my own fears. A vivid memory from childhood was fair seeing a palmist at a fete, she highlighted a gap in my life line, told me I would be ill for a long time, but that I would recover, her words have always been with me and I wish she had said, ‘You will be ill for 8 weeks….then get better’, second guessing time periods of illness is exhausting.

A couple of days ago I hit a wall, my back was more painful that ever, it seemed as though relentless positivity was cracking, just below the surface my dark, demons laughing. My faith crumbled, I believed in nothing. I am a person who has a strong belief, and it is my faith that pulls me through all the shit, that life throws.

I believe in Nature and in Spirit, exploring a plethora of differing tools and systems, that uphold and nurture this faith. It all left me last Saturday. I felt nothing. I did not believe. It was dark and wholly uncomfortable.

I went to youtube in a search for answers and discovered, someone talking about pacman……closing the laptop, closing my eyes, I remembered to breathe. Spending 2 hours in my bed breathing, long deep full breaths, shifted my consciousness, raised my energy. Sunday morning I literally bounced out of bed, the pains lessened, still their but more importantly my spirit is strong.

I am Broken

Today I have 4 pills left in my Altar bowl, 2 days to go out of this 6 months treatment. The past 2-3 months I have slowly declined both mentally and physically. I am now a weeping, broken mess with a belief, that as I finnish this treatment of toxic anti viral treatment, I shall rebuild, re-nourish and restore, re story myself. 

I have not been able to move well this past month,  the constant pain has brought my spirits low, I lie in bed, crawl out, stretch as best I can and attempt to move about my daily life. This weekend, I was due to be presenting at an event on Plant Consciousness in central London. I was due to stand up, on a stage and address 300 odd people about the Hedgerow and the wider issues of climate change. It wasn't possible. I lay on that stage though, listened to my SistAs, felt our message reverberated through the stage floor, as they spoke our words. I heard the message, felt its impact and as the audience applauded I wept. 

My whole belief system has been smashed apart. I do not know who I am or what I feel or believe in right now. I am broken. 7 weeks ago I saw the doctor for the last time, so I don't know anything about the biochemical changes in my blood, as I haven't been to the clinics, haven't had any tests. I know that 3 months ago the Hepatitis C virus was undetected in my blood so I am assuming it still is gone undetected.I have no inclination to go near them for a while but I plan to go for the 12 weeks post treatment blood test to see if the virus is indeed banished.

My physical symptoms after 6 months on the Direct Acting Anti viral medications are, palpitations, digestive issues, insomnia, headaches and severe joint pain, my knees, ankles, feet and back are all screaming. My mental symptoms are confusion, brain fog and a loose of self, I am not at all sure about who I am. So now I need to convalesce from the drug therapy. 

How do I convalesce? I now need to find a way to heal. My default understanding is that I have the tools inside and around me, so I plan to juice vegetables from my garden daily and get on a programme of nourishment, this will demand me being able to move so yoga is what I shall practice, pulling my mat out and putting my music on shuffle, letting my body and mind guide my movements. I am lucky, having practiced yoga for 20 years now I know what feels important and 'good' for my body so all I have to do is get my head in gear to be able to move my mat into the middle of the room....then all the rest of it will fall into place....

What herbs or vitamins am I gonna take? Now that is the question.......I know that I am gonna take turmeric, in high doses I am gonna take it to support and help my joints and I am gonna take a host of vitamins, these drugs can strip B vitamins and vitamin D also so I plan to go visit a health food shop locally, where a knowledgable nutritionalist who loves supplements works, and I am gonna talk and plan what ones to include and work out what ones I can afford, which ones I can get from my food and what most importantly I feel and believe are right for me.

I am also thinking of experimenting with CBD oil, met a man yesterday at Plant Consciousness who has a product called Elixinol was talking about several benefits, might invest and see how it effects me. Not sure how yet because I am interested as this herb is always being asked for in my practice!






I am definitely going to start taking Reishi mushroom I have bought some powder and will start taking it planning to start with 3 g daily....

Flat

Treatment week 20 of 24...so close to the end of taking these Direct Acting Anti virals, laid out flat on my back in pain, for the past week. Sacral area of my lower back in spasm, unable to stand or walk or sit up....one of the side effects of the medicine is joint stiffness/pain and the whole time on treatment, I have felt more 'clicky' or 'crunchy' in my joints.

I do suffer from an intermittent sore back and normally I treat myself with herbal anti inflammatories, circulatories, nervines, smooth muscle relaxants and mood up lifters;

I would prescribe myself;

• ·      High doses of turmeric powder,
• · Tea of hypericum, rose, chamomile, lavender, valerian and lemon balm.
• · Tincture of meadowsweet, lime flowers and hypericum.
• ·      Epsom salts and lavender essential oil baths

Because I am taking these orthodox medicines and do not want to inhibit them in any way I am cautious of taking herbs through out the treatment, but I have been drinking lime flower and rose tea for my intense palpitations which have been around since treatment week 12, the doctors advised Betablockers that was a step too far for me. And this morning I took 2 capsules of valerian…

I am noticing a big change in my personality, over these past 5 months I have stayed pretty much at home, a lot of the time in bed, my lack of energy, lethargy, apathy has been the hardest thing to deal with but now added to that the inability to stand is forcing me to literally ‘accept’.

Accept the mess in my home

Accept the inability to mother my child in the way I feel most comfortable with (cooking, cleaning, preparing, taxiing, etc)

Accept help from my wonderful partner, who has not gone to work, who is mothering me

Accept help from my brilliant teenage son and his girlfriend, letting them both care for me

Accept I cannot hold my profession together at this point

My roles as care-giver, as teacher, as gardener, as mother, herbalist, yoga teacher, wife, sex goddess, friend, community activist have all paled somewhat as I have slowly stripped away the virus that has live in my system since I was a teenager. Over 20 years this Dragon has inhabited my body, slowly damaging my liver tissue, lived in my soul, eating away at my longevity.

This pet Dragon, taught me to be temperate with myself, she taught me to watch my reactions and to question which reaction was ME and which was driven by HER. The liver in Traditional Chinese Medicine is called ‘The seat of Anger’ this large organ, is responsible for many processes in the body and I think of the liver as the chemical powder-house….and with that power house comes plenty of heat….add to that a virus that slowly destroys liver tissue and cells, more heat and inflammation….and Anger.

Anger, Judgement, Hardening of emotions, all things I have experienced arising from this virus. Talk to others with Hep C I have seen many parallels with these experiences. For years I have questioned my own compassion, my inability at times to ‘feel’ anything, how quick my judgement of situations and people can cut in….the yoga and meditation practice supports me immeasurably but I am aware of my innate nature and now this treatment and potential viral ablation, it could all change???

Everyone I am connected with that has gone through/going through this treatment has been given the hope of a longer healthier Life….we have all faced our individual mortalities in some way or another and this ‘miracle’ treatment has give many freedom of fear and hope……

Although I am on my back in pain, losing myself to some void, I feel positive, loved and mostly hopeful that in a few months time this will all be a distant memory…

Fighting Depression

This Dragon is strong, these drugs are strong, week 17 of 24 and I am struggling to keep my head above water.

My good intentions have fallen by the wayside, my healthy eating has dropped off, I can start the day well but by 4 o clock, craving carbs so badly, that it feels like I get a hole in my stomach that is only satisfied by bread, I seem to get a headache that only lifts when I eat carbs....argh.

I wake each morning feeling like I am in a 
hamster wheel, here we are again, like groundhog day! Unable to hold onto any though trains, memory is shot to pieces...


In my 'normal' life I share my passion for herbs in groups, giving talks and holding space for workshop, I see patients regularly and work creatively with plants, writing stories, poetry, making remedies etc. Since being on the medication I have felt unable to 'hold space' for others, I have kept patients to a bare minimum of 1/2 per month and basically not worked with people, just focused on the writing and creative pursuits, I feel like I have forgotten who I am.....I feel like a fraud, a shell of my former self…..

Summer holidays has demanded that I am present for my daughter which is wonderful, not working away on a summer tour of festivals, has freed me up to give her undivided attention, so I have booked to go away to the seaside for a long weekend....fingers crossed we shall have sunshine.

I am working so hard to stay positive, to keep moving, to get up in the morning and to keep a light energy both for myself and for my daughter, she is 9 years old and very sensitive, a beautiful soul. She doesn't have an understanding of what I am doing with the virus because I haven't fully disclosed to her, I don't believe that she could comprehend being so young. She knows I am working through something but that is all. 

For the first 3 months of treatment I lit a candle each night and used a mantra with my dose of drugs, then something shifted in me, a lethargy set in, a deep apathy, cynicism, negativity and something akin to teenage nihilism began to eat into me.

I CAN'T BE BOTHERED

I can only be bothered to watch series in bed til 1am exhausted, eating cereal (abet posh sugar free cereal) Where has my zest gone????? I want it back....my weigh is creeping up and I feel, lardy and cumbersome, muscle ache and joint pain..argh

Each day, I have a resolve to turn it around but its day one again, its been day one for the last week or 2!!!!! My hamster wheel.

Since week 13 I have had a feeling like palpitations almost constantly, it is horrid I went to see the GP and she told me that my heart is fine, so it is probably just a side effect....I feel worried that the drugs are too strong now and I just want it to be over, but I also fear that to not finish the 24 week course may cause relapse and it will have all been for nothing.....argh

So it is boring LOW mood and LOW energy world, swimming, fighting to keep afloat, grateful that I have to make an effort for my daughter and also grateful for the responsibility I have to Sensory Solutions, the company I have built with my Soul SistAs, the responsibly, both to them and to the people who have supported and invested in us, this is helping me to keep going forwards with lists of projects, unfinished books, remedies to make and courses and talks to write and design.... onwards and upwards...

Not taking herbs internally is so odd, I prescribe so many friends from my garden for myself in these times but I am not taking herbs alongside the drugs for concerns about interactions, but I have prescribed gardening and weeding for myself today so I shall get time to sit and BE with nature and it will life my spirits.....just need to drag myself outside......


love love love

crazy

I am feeling a little crazy, I am 3 month and one week into treatment and have 2 months and 3 weeks to go...for the past few days I have been experiencing odd sensations in my chest, akin to palpitations....but my GP says my pulse is stable. She has raised an echocardiogram...but says it will be 3/4 weeks. 

She asked if I am stressed. I do feel stressed. I feel like a fraud. I am a herbalist who normally sees patients, I have a treatment studio in my garden filled with herbs, herbs that I mainly grow, harvest and make into remedies for my patients, my community and my family and self...these past 3 month I have stopped working as my head is all over the place. I am not taking any herbs for fear of interactions. Morbid fear that I may inhibit the Anti viral drugs, that this killer virus may come back...even though I was 'undetectable' at 8 weeks...

I have made myself a pot of herbal tea, rose petals, that arrived one morning in the mail from a dear lovely friend, she was suggesting a foot bath. The roses smell so delicate and calming, also in my brew is Lime Blossoms, picked on my village green a few days ago...both these herbs are super calming and supportive to the nerves. Neither will inhibit the drugs, is what I am telling myself.

I have been having Epsom salt baths for muscle relaxation, as my back is pretty painful at the moment, but there is a discussion on the forum about magnesium possibly being linked to a few relapsing patients...so no more of them I guess.....

gut microbes

How does one treat themselves well whilst on treatment? 

I read various articles about the human body and mind, some make sense to me and fit in with my current paradigm of thinking so I adopt the ideology as 'truth'. Examples of this are; gut bacteria theories, power of belief theories, you are what you eat theories, anti-vaccine theories, meditation, rest, satisfaction in life etc etc...but I sometimes read opposite beliefs to my own with interest, wondering what it is that has led me down my particular belief system...

Take gut bacteria, now there is a wealth of research into fermented foods and supplementing with so called good bacterias. You can buy probiotics as supplements to support re populating the gut but really every time we eat fruit and vegetables from the garden we are gaining microbes that inform our guts about our natural environment.



interesting articles about health & gut microbes

http://www.hindawi.com/journals/grp/2010/453563/

http://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/healthy_aging/healthy_body/the-brain-gut-connection

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolutionary-psychiatry/201404/the-gut-brain-connection-mental-illness-and-disease

I love eating sauerkraut and luckily live with a man who loves to make it, so we have cabbages growing in the garden and various glass jars with differing stages of production around the house....the glass jar situation does my head in as I am not allowed to chuck out any at all and we have a surplus but its a small price to pay for health gut microbes....or is it? 
Or will eating enough sauerkraut sort all my stresses out?

Looking after diet is important eating fresh, vibrant foods is going to impact positively on general wellbeing and health, but when one is tired and lethagic, who wants to cook? I have found that even making a smoothie can be simply too taxing and a pitta stuffed with salad leaves is about the best I can ' be bothered' to to at some points....other days I can spend ages on the best salad in the world, organic juices and lush nutritional vibes...today I have had stone baked eaten pizza. home made lemon cake, sushi, bone broth veg soup and protein bars....because that is what happened today...I now feel super stuffed and even more lethargic so tomorrow I promise myself to make a smoothie and eat a big lush home grown salad.....

I found this info on a forum -


Hepatitis C viraemia is carbohydrate-dependent because the virus piggy-backs on triglyceride assembly and VLDL exocytosis. This makes a very low carbohydrate diet an effective way to control HCV viraemia, HCV-associated autoimmune syndromes, and steatosis. HCV cell entry is via LDL-receptor complex, therefore diets intended to lower LDL via upregulation of the LDL-receptor by restricting saturated fat and increasing polyunsaturated fat will increase hepatocellular infection. 

So makes sense to eat less pizza and cake I guess....or just more sauerkraut on the side?