The Miracle of Breath

2 weeks post treatment;

2 days after stopping the medicines, my palpitations disappeared as though they had never been present, I hadn’t realised the levels of anxiety that the palpitations had created until they were gone.

The medications stripped my body of vital minerals, vitamins and other nutrients, I am now living with arthritic joint complaints, so pretty much the past 8 weeks have been in bed on a hot pillow, I can walk around but it is impossible to sit down. So when I get up I tidy and clean, organise and walk. Not sitting down is tiring in the extreme and makes eating seriously weird! I have a very tidy kitchen happily washing up alot.

Journeying thought this time of personal health challenges, has given me plenty of thinking space, the pains in my back and joints have given me a ‘constant’ to work through my own fears. A vivid memory from childhood was fair seeing a palmist at a fete, she highlighted a gap in my life line, told me I would be ill for a long time, but that I would recover, her words have always been with me and I wish she had said, ‘You will be ill for 8 weeks….then get better’, second guessing time periods of illness is exhausting.

A couple of days ago I hit a wall, my back was more painful that ever, it seemed as though relentless positivity was cracking, just below the surface my dark, demons laughing. My faith crumbled, I believed in nothing. I am a person who has a strong belief, and it is my faith that pulls me through all the shit, that life throws.

I believe in Nature and in Spirit, exploring a plethora of differing tools and systems, that uphold and nurture this faith. It all left me last Saturday. I felt nothing. I did not believe. It was dark and wholly uncomfortable.

I went to youtube in a search for answers and discovered, someone talking about pacman……closing the laptop, closing my eyes, I remembered to breathe. Spending 2 hours in my bed breathing, long deep full breaths, shifted my consciousness, raised my energy. Sunday morning I literally bounced out of bed, the pains lessened, still their but more importantly my spirit is strong.

I am Broken

Today I have 4 pills left in my Altar bowl, 2 days to go out of this 6 months treatment. The past 2-3 months I have slowly declined both mentally and physically. I am now a weeping, broken mess with a belief, that as I finnish this treatment of toxic anti viral treatment, I shall rebuild, re-nourish and restore, re story myself. 

I have not been able to move well this past month,  the constant pain has brought my spirits low, I lie in bed, crawl out, stretch as best I can and attempt to move about my daily life. This weekend, I was due to be presenting at an event on Plant Consciousness in central London. I was due to stand up, on a stage and address 300 odd people about the Hedgerow and the wider issues of climate change. It wasn't possible. I lay on that stage though, listened to my SistAs, felt our message reverberated through the stage floor, as they spoke our words. I heard the message, felt its impact and as the audience applauded I wept. 

My whole belief system has been smashed apart. I do not know who I am or what I feel or believe in right now. I am broken. 7 weeks ago I saw the doctor for the last time, so I don't know anything about the biochemical changes in my blood, as I haven't been to the clinics, haven't had any tests. I know that 3 months ago the Hepatitis C virus was undetected in my blood so I am assuming it still is gone undetected.I have no inclination to go near them for a while but I plan to go for the 12 weeks post treatment blood test to see if the virus is indeed banished.

My physical symptoms after 6 months on the Direct Acting Anti viral medications are, palpitations, digestive issues, insomnia, headaches and severe joint pain, my knees, ankles, feet and back are all screaming. My mental symptoms are confusion, brain fog and a loose of self, I am not at all sure about who I am. So now I need to convalesce from the drug therapy. 

How do I convalesce? I now need to find a way to heal. My default understanding is that I have the tools inside and around me, so I plan to juice vegetables from my garden daily and get on a programme of nourishment, this will demand me being able to move so yoga is what I shall practice, pulling my mat out and putting my music on shuffle, letting my body and mind guide my movements. I am lucky, having practiced yoga for 20 years now I know what feels important and 'good' for my body so all I have to do is get my head in gear to be able to move my mat into the middle of the room....then all the rest of it will fall into place....

What herbs or vitamins am I gonna take? Now that is the question.......I know that I am gonna take turmeric, in high doses I am gonna take it to support and help my joints and I am gonna take a host of vitamins, these drugs can strip B vitamins and vitamin D also so I plan to go visit a health food shop locally, where a knowledgable nutritionalist who loves supplements works, and I am gonna talk and plan what ones to include and work out what ones I can afford, which ones I can get from my food and what most importantly I feel and believe are right for me.

I am also thinking of experimenting with CBD oil, met a man yesterday at Plant Consciousness who has a product called Elixinol was talking about several benefits, might invest and see how it effects me. Not sure how yet because I am interested as this herb is always being asked for in my practice!






I am definitely going to start taking Reishi mushroom I have bought some powder and will start taking it planning to start with 3 g daily....