crazy

I am feeling a little crazy, I am 3 month and one week into treatment and have 2 months and 3 weeks to go...for the past few days I have been experiencing odd sensations in my chest, akin to palpitations....but my GP says my pulse is stable. She has raised an echocardiogram...but says it will be 3/4 weeks. 

She asked if I am stressed. I do feel stressed. I feel like a fraud. I am a herbalist who normally sees patients, I have a treatment studio in my garden filled with herbs, herbs that I mainly grow, harvest and make into remedies for my patients, my community and my family and self...these past 3 month I have stopped working as my head is all over the place. I am not taking any herbs for fear of interactions. Morbid fear that I may inhibit the Anti viral drugs, that this killer virus may come back...even though I was 'undetectable' at 8 weeks...

I have made myself a pot of herbal tea, rose petals, that arrived one morning in the mail from a dear lovely friend, she was suggesting a foot bath. The roses smell so delicate and calming, also in my brew is Lime Blossoms, picked on my village green a few days ago...both these herbs are super calming and supportive to the nerves. Neither will inhibit the drugs, is what I am telling myself.

I have been having Epsom salt baths for muscle relaxation, as my back is pretty painful at the moment, but there is a discussion on the forum about magnesium possibly being linked to a few relapsing patients...so no more of them I guess.....

gut microbes

How does one treat themselves well whilst on treatment? 

I read various articles about the human body and mind, some make sense to me and fit in with my current paradigm of thinking so I adopt the ideology as 'truth'. Examples of this are; gut bacteria theories, power of belief theories, you are what you eat theories, anti-vaccine theories, meditation, rest, satisfaction in life etc etc...but I sometimes read opposite beliefs to my own with interest, wondering what it is that has led me down my particular belief system...

Take gut bacteria, now there is a wealth of research into fermented foods and supplementing with so called good bacterias. You can buy probiotics as supplements to support re populating the gut but really every time we eat fruit and vegetables from the garden we are gaining microbes that inform our guts about our natural environment.



interesting articles about health & gut microbes

http://www.hindawi.com/journals/grp/2010/453563/

http://www.hopkinsmedicine.org/health/healthy_aging/healthy_body/the-brain-gut-connection

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/evolutionary-psychiatry/201404/the-gut-brain-connection-mental-illness-and-disease

I love eating sauerkraut and luckily live with a man who loves to make it, so we have cabbages growing in the garden and various glass jars with differing stages of production around the house....the glass jar situation does my head in as I am not allowed to chuck out any at all and we have a surplus but its a small price to pay for health gut microbes....or is it? 
Or will eating enough sauerkraut sort all my stresses out?

Looking after diet is important eating fresh, vibrant foods is going to impact positively on general wellbeing and health, but when one is tired and lethagic, who wants to cook? I have found that even making a smoothie can be simply too taxing and a pitta stuffed with salad leaves is about the best I can ' be bothered' to to at some points....other days I can spend ages on the best salad in the world, organic juices and lush nutritional vibes...today I have had stone baked eaten pizza. home made lemon cake, sushi, bone broth veg soup and protein bars....because that is what happened today...I now feel super stuffed and even more lethargic so tomorrow I promise myself to make a smoothie and eat a big lush home grown salad.....

I found this info on a forum -


Hepatitis C viraemia is carbohydrate-dependent because the virus piggy-backs on triglyceride assembly and VLDL exocytosis. This makes a very low carbohydrate diet an effective way to control HCV viraemia, HCV-associated autoimmune syndromes, and steatosis. HCV cell entry is via LDL-receptor complex, therefore diets intended to lower LDL via upregulation of the LDL-receptor by restricting saturated fat and increasing polyunsaturated fat will increase hepatocellular infection. 

So makes sense to eat less pizza and cake I guess....or just more sauerkraut on the side?

pondering about it All

As I look into my altar bowl of medicines, I see 2 pills left, one orange one white, HnH, my friends for the past 3 months, these 2 pills were to be my last but tomorrow I shall empty another months worth into this altar bowl…..


It feels oddly ok, my fears are that more of this toxic chemistry will weaken my system in the longer term but weighing it all up, I want to improve my chances of ridding my body of the nasty acting, Hepatitis C virus.

I have been thinking deeply about health a lot, the wellness practitioner that I have seen for a couple of treatments recently has given me much food for though. He is one of the Hero's of Health-care, a shiny, saint of a man, the image he projects, all very admirable but completely unattainable to me. I respect all different kinds of approaches to health but I know that the 'purist, clean, detoxification' style is too 'perfect' almost Christian evangelistically, and not my way. 

Talking to those types actually make me feel quite awful. The idea that there is 'one' way, a way that involves cleansing, clearing, abstinence, straight edge, denial, self shining etc…simply isn't what I really want in my heart. I feel better with gentle kindness to myself, nourishing and devoting time to my own needs, time to write and explore my own depths. 

I believe that the current obsession with nutrition and what is and isn't wholesome, (how many differing ideas???? Acid/Alkaline, Paleo, low fat, detox, fasting,semi-fasting, etc)

The massive growing health food industry, where people can pay literally hundreds of pounds to go to nutritionists and get supplemented, with many many pills. The myriad of 'new super foods' from far flung places….

I believe that it partly stems, because of a divorce a rife we have from the soil, getting our hands deep in the Earth and planting seeds, watering seedlings and plants, weeding and deliberating what to do with the slimy guys, watching our food growing and the wonderful harvesting of it all….I know that shite chemical rich foods aren't very wholesome for me, it isn't rocket science, but if god forbid a morsel of crumpet passes my lips do I have to self-flagellate? NO but I do need the awareness that 4 crumpets in a sitting isn't very nourishing…It is the balance that is hard. This particular disease (Hep C) leaves sufferers lethargic, tired, foggy and craving energy rich foods so it is common for folks to binge eat, in my life as a human in the west, I have notice that people without Hep C also binge eat, they are also tired and eating for energy hits…..Could the modern lifestyle emulate having a killer virus?

My daily lists consist of a variety of ways I can be kind to myself and the world around me but still my cynicism can be heard. I wonder where this cynicism resides, where it has been birth and nurtured? As my body transits through another cycle of hormones moving towards the death phase, the blood will soon flow, the blood that I am so aware may infect my partner...I have felt a little like a vampire with the virus in my plasma, a little like a creature of the dark with my history of drug and human depth exploration, visiting blackness and desolation, poverty and abuse, coming from a happy stable home and comfort, I was interested in the opposite and I honestly don't regret any of the choices I have made....but this cynicism is tiring; I look around at the bright, shiny people, yoga, juicing, cocoa ceremonies, energetic medicine, power of positivity and occasionally I wanna puke at all the NICE. The homogeny of spiritualisation is either a smorgasbord of enlightenment, or pick n mix embracing the shadow.....and once a month for a few days I am disgusted and annoyed by every little thing....but I am not sure if clearing a virus will change that! I kind wish that I could give the cynicism up and follow a Guru a Jesus type persona, ( but maybe a woman in leather) and just do everything she said with a belief it was for the greater good....give up all my free will, but no that wish already has me reeling....ever thought today is a paradox....gonna go juice some garden farye n get the music on loud as I dance around my home tidying up......

day out to the hospital......

Week 11 of 24

I am premenstrual, feeling crap, lethargic, low mood, joint problems, anxiety, brain fog and irritability which could all correlate with the bloody awful summer we are having! Resolved in my head now to walk forward with the  full 24 weeks of HnH therapy, to clear the bastard virus for good.

I saw a chiropractor yesterday as the tightness around my liver all along my spine was getting to me. I had an initial assessment and he use a crazy diagnostic tool that was first used for astronauts. It looked a little like a large pen with a wet sponge pad, that was placed either side of each of my vertebra to take a reading....interesting.

He then cracked me about and explained a little about posture, my shoulders aren't level and my head is carried to far forward.....He also suggested I took Reishi mushroom.

I would love to take something to lessen the toxicity of the drugs but I am super cautious not to impede clearance or action of the compounds. I asked on a few hep c forums and all the responses were 'NO WAY' do nothing that may potentially impede the drugs. 

I saw my NHS consultant today at Barnet hospital, he made a choice not to support me on this journey with the generic medicine because it is against 'policy'.

So I begin a search for a NHS consultant that will support and guide me through this final 12 weeks....

I phoned the Hep C trust ( a liver charity) and spoke to a lovely person on the phone, he was French and having a really hard time since the Referendum, feeling unwelcome and insecure in the land he has called home for 30 years! I spoke to him for ages about the millions of people who are super happy that he lives here and to try and ignore the racist nutters, but he is feeling scared and shocked, its terrible what is going on in the world really disappointing and a shame. 

He told me that he knew of a potential consultant who would monitor me and gave me her number and name. After googling her i found her email and have just written to her with my fingers crossed....

where to go from here

So I got the result that the virus is undetectable in my blood 

which is amazing news...

I wrote to the Consultant to give him the results and ask his opinion about the lenght of treatment times, I have enough medicines for a further 3 weeks, 12 weeks in total, but there is a 5% chance that i may relaspe within 18 months. According to the figures my genotype 3 is the trickiest to treat and stay 'undetectable'. So if I took 1 more month of treatment it would give me a 3% better chance of staying undetectable, 2 months more medicine 6% better chance of staying undetectable and 3 more months 10% chance....

I feel a little exhausted from being on this medicine, my side effects are headaches, liver pain, joint stiffness, skin lesions and general malaise, nothing too dramatic really but annoying....I have sent off to buy 3 more months of generic treatment from India, through the buyers club...so hopefully it will be here in a couple of weeks....half way through this crazy journey.

I haven't been taking any herbs at all really....feeling deflated and knackered, it seemed like I was at the end of a marathon and now I am half way through....My energy levels are so low that i cannot really work at the moment which is a very strange place for me to be. I love my work and have never had so much time away from it, feels a bit like I am losing parts of myself.