I am living in a limbo land of waiting for results,
8 days ago I had the bloods done, the all important bloods that will determine
weather I stay on these Direct Acting Antiviral medicine for another 12 weeks
or not…
Because I am genotype 3 (the most aggressive one
and hardest to treat) sometimes people are prescribed 24 weeks as protocol, but
because I have bought my medicines from India I could only buy 12 weeks worth.
My private Hepatologist suggested that if I was
'undetectable' at 8 weeks a 12 week course of the medicines should suffice. So
fingers crossed.
Undetectable means no detectable virus in my blood
in the viral load blood works.
So I have a finite amount of time to find out
really as the medicine take 10-14 days to arrive in the UK from India and I
have 3 weeks left of medicine on my 'altar'…….limbo land it is.
I
phoned and emailed the secretary, she made it perfectly clear in high tones of authority,
that I was hassling her. As soon as the results are in she will contact my
hepatologist, she has a sticky note on her computer, who would then contact me.
BORING
My posse, my tribe, are in a muddy field in the
South-west of Britain a place where I normally am this, high summer, time of
year.
My ten year anniversary with my Man yesterday and
we haven't seen each other in a couple of weeks and I feel very sad and
separate from both him and my 'normal' summer world.
Glastonbury is a beast of a festival, we go each
year, creation of our beautiful Space and instillation is something that I have
birthed with my Seeds SistA, we too share a marriage that vows were exchanged
into 10 years ago.
Our space offers rest and respite to weary and in need
people, herbal teas that we grow and harvest, potions and lotions all
administered with magic and kindness. We Mother the masses with joy and care,
witchcraft and science and we love it, connecting souls to plants,
reconnections with our planet in the belief that in doing so we create social change,
rippling out Globally.
The decision to stay at home near my juicer, bed
and peace was a no- brainer, on this medication, at this time, where I am
delving deep into myself unpicking the fabric of what my physicality has held
for over 2 decades, I must rest and recuperate, no unnecessary stress needed
but I miss my posse and I miss the tribe.
In 15 years of living in this house I have never
been here in the summer months. We always move into caravans and trucks and
travel the length and breath of the UK sometimes Europe. I am so lucky to have
the garden here to spend time in quite contemplation. As the medicine swipes
the virus out of my liver cells, I am clearing unwanted old stuff from my home,
my kitchen stripped of many layers of wall paper, ready to be plastered a new,
my bathroom scrubbed and polished today the under stairs cupboard is gonna get
a going over. This reflection in my home of clearance feels so good at this
time and being here alone, completely alone is both cathartic and alien as I haven’t been alone for this length
of time ever.
My symptoms of taking these drugs are now severe
stiffness in my spine especially around the liver area, joint aches and pains,
mood swings to the extreme of suicidal thoughts one day and ecstatic joy the next, sad tearfulness and anger
in the same breath.
I haven't been self supporting with herbs on a
physical level but have them all around my on an emotional and spiritual one,
been having reflexology or massage weekly. Although a got pissed off with a
couple of therapists one well meaning person, wouldn’t stop talking about ‘weakness’
in my liver after a reflexology treatment. I wanted to shout at her to ‘SHUT UP’
and not use such negativity as I was drinking my water post treatment but that
is my own stuff….I was bleeding so super sensitive…I shall speak to her in my
own time.
I had planned to finish the medicines and book into
a cleansing retreat but after discussion this on a forum realized that potentially
these medicines can stay in the system for a long time after treatment finishes
still working. Some folks relapse and that is a valid reason not to do any
drastic cleanses.
So I
will postpone the Detox until a later date if I still like the idea…in favour
of nourishment and perhaps a holiday.
I rang my SistAs @ Glastonbury and cried, on loud speaker, whilst they whopped and cheered. Then I rang my beautiful son he is 19 years old and I have brought him up in a community of creative, rebellious souls, he is so wise for his years, when I got my original diagnosis he was about 5 years old and I was drinking heavily, taking recreational drugs, from one day to the next I stopped drinking and taking everything and my personality changed. I remember him noticing and mentioning that I was much nicer, gentler, kinder. Hep C was a gift to me, after the shock of the diagnosis, I was 27 years old, my Saturn return. I changed my lifestyle and discovered myself, became a better mother and learnt that through challenges people grow and develop. 
